thoughts on closure

Life is great in the movies... villains divulge their illogic right before they get blown to bits, mysteries are revealed, romances are resolved. In real life: not so much. In fact, not at all.

Kind of obvious, so what's the impetus for this post?

I (not so) recently spoke to an ancient ex, and the entire conversation had the feeling of closure--we didn't discuss the massive blowup we had while dating, or the distance before we broke up: we just talked superficially about how things were going, what we were doing in life. There was just a satisfying lack of that undertext that took place in every conversation we had for the past 5 years. And I don't know if that was just my perspective or if that was a real reduction of any resentment that had been left. The odd thing about that was that suddenly I felt free of him, and hoping that he'd be happy soon.

And then I was thinking of friends who I had more-than-friendships with, that were never completely resolved one way or the other. The lack of confrontation, until now, was always a driving force, in many cases for me, though in some cases for the other people. Though I know that returning to things 2 or three years later is ridiculous. The closure of Hollywood endings is really only for the movies. Real closure only comes when I can finally look at someone and realize that it's over. Whatever has been discussed is it. And whether I like it or not, whether there's more left unsaid, it doesn't matter.

Because closing things up just for my own satisfaction can and will just re-open issues for the other people involved. And for me too. Life is messy. I can deal with that. And what will make me happy is not making sure that everyone knows how they've injured me, or chewing people out when they've been complete jerks. What will make me happy is resolving it within myself. I determine my own self-worth. Not anyone else. So whatever anyone else realizes or not, it should not affect my attitudes and thoughts.

Even if it would be kind of nice.